Friends with Benefits: Viva Revolución

“I think that we’re just Friends With Benefits.”

MotivationalTwist

NEW YORK CITY–– HATE NYC readers, I am falling in love! Well, not really, but I'm rolling with this great guy at the moment. We’ll call him The Revolutionary for his radical views. Points for passion, ya'll! The Revolutionary is a different caliber of man, a notch above the rest: exceptionally intelligent, hilarious, and heartbreakingly handsome. The triple threat. The only problem is (whomp whomp) that I think we’re just Friends With Benefits (FWB). His presence is nice. I don’t want to ruin that by suggesting more. Our first date ended up in my bed (his test), which was a great time. We stayed up all night discussing theories of oppression and literature. It was magical! The next morning he reaffirmed it, “Totally worth it. [ He ] had a nice time with [ me ].” There was a real connection even after the alcohol ran dry.

I'd love to see Egon Schiele's exhibit
 at  Neue Galerie on the UES.

“Suffice to say, it feels like a full blown relationship.”

We’re only two (extended/sleepover) dates in… He lives 2 hours away, but we keep in touch everyday. He’s your typical male-texter (read: slow to respond even when he initiates –– 100% of the time). We have daytime plans this upcoming weekend to see some art. Perhaps we’ll stay sober and avoid sex. You know, bond outside the boudoir. I’m ecstatic about visiting galleries with someone I like! We can both chat and learn about each other's tastes through analyzing the work. A winning date idea! 

I’ve broken every single “rule” in the book thus far and it hasn't affected his interest. He’s seen me projectile vomit (more than once and all over myself) while classily sprawled out on a stoop, watched me fumble on the dance floor, and we go round for round on expenses. It’s empowering to have a mutual level of respect and personhood in courtship. There are no foreseeable gender roles forming. We made out at the party numerous times. We even tried to get it in, in somebody's bedroom, but no condoms = a no-go. SAFETY FIRST! We were that couple. It feels like a full blown relationship. 

The Overanalyzed Evidence:

We’re just FWB, because...

1. First date confession: broke up with his fiance 3 months ago
2. 2nd First date confession: His folks are racist (no long term potential?)
3. He admits that all men ages 18 through 28 are assholes concluding that he held sexist ideals
4. “At 24, I can't be in a relationship.” Or some variation.
5. Admits to cheating on every woman he’s ever been in a relationship with. WARNING: RED FLAG IF I EVER SAW ONE.
6. "I have no intentions except to have fun and ensure that you have fun too."
7. Prior to meeting all of The Revolutionary's closest friends, he stated, “You’re a girl I’m rolling to a party with. No pressure.” 

We aren’t just FWB, because...

1. First date = perpetual inquire of past relationships and loves
2. Eagerness to please in bed/intense candor during pillow talk
3. He always initiates texts and ends them with a question
4. Admitted that nursing me when I was drunkenly ill was, “Actually kind of fun” 
5. We have intellectual discussions, he actually wants to know what I think of the matter
6. Allots time to see me despite his busy weekends
7. “I didn’t think you would sleep with me when we first met…It’s a compliment.” 
8.  I’ve already met his closest friends and college buddies
9. He seems genuinely concerned that my past eating issues are flaring back up

“My therapist says that by getting wasted, I’m deflecting getting attached.”

This begs the question whether I’m reading into things or he’s sending mixed signals. Does this path lead to a relationship or unrequited feelings and inevitable heartbreak?  Am I just supposed to “go with the flow”? He’s very laid back, but I’m too Type A for that crap. Will preliminary discussions about expectations alert his BAIL button? I'm not attached now, because I’ve learned to temper my heart, but what about later? My therapist (yes, of course I have one #shameless) says that by getting wasted, I’m deflecting getting attached. After departing my apartment, Revolutionary told me that, “[ He ] has no [ crazy ] intentions except to have fun [ with me ] and ensure that [ I ] have fun too.”

Another 21^st century dilemma. We can deny it all we want in these modern times, but sex does deepen  some level of intimacy and produce bonding. Unarguable fact. That being said, how can this arrangement work out for anyone, ever? I’d love to hear men weigh in on the issue. Are Revolutionary and I just Friends with Benefits or is it possible he likes me? 

EDIT: Rereading this post, I’ve recognized that I’ve always built gods of men I've just met. Maybe, he’s not that great. Maybe, this is evolution at work. I could move on unscathed. Actually, these "budding feelings" are waning as we speak.